Just Your Average TP
by Granny Adams
Summary: This is a satyr of all the t/ps out there.. in a nut shell **chapter 6 is up, (finally)**
1. The Dream Sequence

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
[A/N Okay, this came to mind on my skiing vacation, thinking about most T/P's and how they shared a similar if not identical plot. The only differences are the dialogue, places, and random graphic sex. Now, if I poke fun at something like your ficcie or something, laugh. It's good to laugh at yourself sometimes. CIAO! And enjoy..]  
  
Chapter 1: The Dream Sequence  
Pan sat on her roof, gazing into the stars, and space's infinite depth. Every piece of this endless puzzle put together so carefully. The moon was at a half, and it shone on Pan's skin, giving it a milky glow. Her hair shone softly, light catching on every strand of her long hair.  
  
"It's all so big." She said to no one in particular, playing Captain Obvious.  
  
"So is my.. Durr.. I mean.." The mysterious shadowy figure regained their composure, "Yes, it is."  
  
Pan whipped around, sending her potential energy flying into kinetic energy as she flipped off the roof and landed on her front lawn.  
  
'Even though I can read your power level, Mr. Mysterious, I'm still going to ask,' She thought  
  
"WHO'S THERE?!!" She cupped her hands to her mouth and yelled.  
  
The 'Mr. Mysterious' stepped into the light of the garage lamp, which had just turned on when the motion detector detected Pan diving off the roof. And to Pan's 'surprise', it was Trunks.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She called, hopping back onto the roof.  
  
Bad, romantic music began to play, with an acoustic guitar and piano, out of the middle of no-where.  
  
"I'm listening to you talk to yourself," He responded, smirking that Oh-so- famous-veggie-cocky-smirk.  
  
'I did the smirk, and she should be allll over me. Anytime now.' Trunks thought, crossing his arms.  
  
'That smirk,' Pan huskily, yet mentally said, 'Those eyes.. Eyes like water in a toliet bowl after you add the blue chemicals that sanitize it and clean the septic tank...' She quietly sighed.  
  
After both of them were done thinking, Trunks couldn't wait any longer and leaned in to kiss her.  
  
Then Pan woke up, to the beeping of her alarm clock. 


	2. Just Your Average Day in the Life

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
[A/N WOW!!! I was so excited when I found I had 7 reviews for my puny first chapter, YAAAAAY!!!!! I got so excited I had to post the next chapter, so here it is, and it's much longer, (the first chapter was kind of a prologue.. or just making fun of all those dreams)]  
  
Chapter 2: Just Your Average Day in the Life  
  
Pan woke up with a cold sweat dripping down her face. The sun was shinin' and the birds were singin'. She looked at the teddy bear that had fallen off her bed.  
  
"That was an obvious dream to my true feelings for Trunks. Then, why am I so confused?" She told her teddy bear. She picked it up and smiled.  
  
"PAN!" Gohan yelled, barging into her room. He looked at the teddy bear with evil red eyes of doom. "Who is that?" He asked, trying to contain the rage inside.  
  
"It's just my teddy, Dad! No need to be over-protective!" She smiled nervously.  
  
"Oh yeah, Teddy, is that your name? Can I have a word with *Teddy* outside?" Gohan looked like a heat lamp, about to shatter.  
  
"Fine Daddy," She handed her father the stuffed animal.  
  
Gohan took the bear and walked out, shutting the door rather loudly behind him.  
  
Pan heard a loud rip and a crash.  
  
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY GIRL!"  
  
Pan sighed, rolling her eyes. Sure her father could be overprotective, but this was way too far.  
  
Gohan re-entered the room with a patch of fluff on his shirt. "Teddy had to leave," Gohan looked back into the hall, "And he isn't ever coming back," He added.  
  
"But-" Pan started.  
  
"No buts about it! You can't date until you are the same age as me!" He roared, glasses popping off and shattering on the carpet."  
  
"BUT-"  
  
"You know the rules!" He picked up his broken glasses and left.  
  
Pan sighed again.  
  
"I guess I'll find solice in my shallow friends who will drag me into the mall and try to buy me a new personality more fitting to theirs." Pan mumbled, throwing on some jeans, a t-shirt, and the traditional orange bandana.  
  
Pan grabbed up her knapsack and flew out the window, and quickly said hello to Goten, who was flirting with car.  
  
~*~  
  
In a matter of 2 minutes 45 seconds, Pan landed at the Briefs' residence. She invited herself in, and passed by Vegeta who was complaining about his pink shirt. She didn't think for a minute Vegeta was gay, or ever would be gay. He just liked his pink shirt. Pan went up the stairs and went in to Bra's room. The door was wide open and inside, Bra was staring intensely at the mirror.  
  
"Hey Bra," Pan said, dropping her stuff and sitting on her bed.  
  
"Hi Pan," Bra said, and then returning to her face.  
  
Silence  
  
"Uh Narcissus? Isn't it time to do something really lame, like tell me my clothes suck and that I need a makeover?"  
  
"Not now, Pan, can't you see I'm busy??"  
  
"With what?? Examining the perfect shape of your nose, or the quality of your skin??!"  
  
"No! I think I might have a gray hair!" Bra screeched, yanking at her hair. A tear ran down her face, and then she starting bawling.  
  
Pan, got up and tried to comfort her, "No, Bra, you're hair is very.. blue.. Like it always is."  
  
Bra sniffed, "You mean it?"  
  
Pan nodded her head, "Yes, now maybe calling Marron over will take your mind off this 'crisis'?"  
  
Bra stood up, talking a deep breath. She reached for her pink cordless phone, and speedily punched in Marron's number. She had a quick conversation, and hung up. Pan tapped her foot, waiting for Marron. Marron, soon, barged in with her arms exploding with makeup.  
  
Pan rolled her eyes, as they slathered on the lipstick, rouge, etc. until she Pan looked like a porcelain doll.  
  
Bra and Marron were giggling, and having a good ole' time.  
  
"Bra, any boy would go for Pan after our magical, and popular, touch! I mean, it's not like any guy *actually* cares about the person under all the Max Factor!" Marron said, while applying Pan's eyeliner.  
  
"Word" Bra responded, tweezing Pan's eyebrows. 


	3. Just Your Average Day in the Life part I...

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
Chapter 3: Just Another Day in the Life Part II  
  
[A/N I took a little longer than I'd anticipated, but it's here, so rejoice in song and dance!! Or don't! The choice is yours!! Be warned, this is a short chapter! ]  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Trunks and his abnormally named friends, John, Jake and Jack were having a heated debate.  
  
"Sailor Mars is way hotter than Sailor Moon!" Said Jake  
  
"Naw, Sailor Moon is a FOX!" Said Jack  
  
"Pan looks like Sailor Mars.." Trunks drifted off into a fantasy of Pan in a short red skirt.  
  
"Isn't Pan that girl who doesn't wear make-up??!" John asked incredulously.  
  
Trunks nodded, and than shrugged returning to Sailor Pan.  
  
"She could never look hot!" sayeth John.  
  
"Yeah!" Chimed Jake and Jack.  
  
Trunks snapped back. "LET'S MAKE A BET, SO SHE'LL EVENTUALLY FIND OUT AND WANT TO AVOID ME!!" Sayeth loudly Trunks.  
  
"Yeah!" Chimed Jake and Jack  
  
"OK! I bet you can't make her look hot!!" John sayeth, laughous.  
  
"Deal, the terms?" Trunks asketh.  
  
"If I win, I get a billion zenni, if you lose I get a million dollars!"  
  
"Alright!" Trunks shook his hand and smirked. This would be a piece of cake. Pan cake. HA!!!! Ha.. 


	4. Stuff Happens

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
Chapter 4: Stuff Happens  
  
[A/N After a long break, SHE'S BACK!! Better than ever, refreshed and with A NEW CHAPTER!! (Oh and Tanny-San, you freaking read my mind. XD heh heh..]  
  
Meanwhile, in an Alternate Universe...  
  
"I'm baaad to the bone!!" Alternate Trunks told his new slave, Alternate Pan.  
  
"I hate my life." Alternate Pan said, wishing she could kick him in the balls, douse him in kerosene and light him on fire.  
  
They stood in the castle, in the royal throne room to be precise.  
  
Trunks smiled at A. Pan.  
  
"Let's train!!" A. Trunks exclaimed. A. Pan made a really weird face.  
  
"I still hate you. And my life."  
  
Right when they reached the royal training grounds, the Ice-jinn beamed down and Freeza was all like,  
  
"Me and my posse gunna mess you up, Boooy!"  
  
And Trunks was all like,  
  
"What the Albino Crocodile is going on here?"  
  
And Freeza was all like,  
  
"Ooh, boy, you gonna get it now!"  
  
And Pan was all like,  
  
"Word,"  
  
And Freeza was all.. Ahem. Freeza said,  
  
"Let's take over this weak planet, shall we boys?"  
  
Pan wondered if he was gay.  
  
So did Trunks.  
  
So do I.  
  
*Cricket. Cricket cricket*  
  
Then A. King Veggie came out hollering "THIS MEANS WAR!"  
  
Trunks did a small 'whoop-de-doo', then turned to Pan,  
  
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! WE'LL BE GENERALS AND DRESS YOU UP IN A TIGHT BATTLE OUTFIT-" He drooled, "Then I'll-"  
  
"Man, I hate destiny." Pan cursed her lucky stars.  
  
"I LOVE DESTINY!! So then I'll-"  
  
"Bite me," She said violently.  
  
Trunks accepted this invitation and wasted no time to diving at her and biting her neck.  
  
"NOW WE'RE BONDED!! And we'll love each other for ever and ever!!" He said grinning insanely.  
  
*The studio audience awws on queue.*  
  
Freeza got fed up with the small love affair, and beamed himself back into the spaceship, left, and muttered, "Kamidamn monkeys.." 


	5. Back to the NonAlternate Universe

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
Chapter 5: Back to the Non-Alternate Universe  
  
[A/N Hmm. For those of you who now hate me after I made that one review, stop judging me. The Peedling posted our apology. So stop telling me that I am worth shit, and stop patting yourself on the back for feeling important. Because, well, none of us are. Writing on a dinky site and flaming other's flames are not important. In fact, I apologize for being hypocritical. The Peedling and I posted thinking our opinion actually was significant to the scheme of things. The truth, being it's not. Take a minute to process that. Or here, in simpler terms, we are a mere speck of dust in perspective. Keep that in mind when you say that someone pissed in my cereal and I ate it, or that my stories are plotless shit. I am simply posting for your enjoyment and make my life as a non-entity a tad more interesting.  
  
o.o  
  
Did I just type that?  
  
Well, enjoy this one. ]  
  
Pan raged along the sidewalk, her face streaked by remaining cover-up. She had attempted to remove the mess with an acne pad, but it refused to leave her face. Her onyx/coal/(choose an adjective that means black) eyes glared, as the cement was upheaved as she stomped.  
  
"Why did I ever let her talk me into this?" She fumed, twitching her newly waxed eyebrows.  
  
Some mile in front of her, Trunks was rejoicing, practically counting his end of the bet..  
  
"HEY!" He said, stopping to think, "Sailor Moon IS hotter!"  
  
He nodded to himself and continued.  
  
~*~  
  
At the exact same second, a long forgotten friend lingered near Goku and Chichi's mountain abode.  
  
"Hey Po-po! What you doin' on my prope'tay?" Goku called in a mock-hick accent. Japanese.. Hick.. Okaay.  
  
Mr. Popo, the ignored black-genie-man turned to him.  
  
"Sigh. Woe is me, sigh sigh."  
  
~*~  
  
As Pan returned home, Gohan burst out the door clutching several folded papers.  
  
"PAN!!! YOU'RE IN!!" He yelled.  
  
"What am I in?" She said, rubbing the back of her head.  
  
"LOOOOOOOOOOK," He called, shoving the papers into her hand.  
  
She examined them with disgust, and Gohan was jumping for joy.  
  
"YOU GOT ACCEPTED INTO COOLLLLEGE!!!"  
  
"But I didn't apply-"  
  
"I did, AND LOOK AT ALL THESE AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES!"  
  
"Why can't I just go to a local college?"  
  
"So you can transform yourself into a hot sorority girl over the small time you are at college, DUH!"  
  
"Uh, bye bye," She said, promptly flying off into the endless blue void that is the sky.  
  
"Look at this! Harvard, and YALE!! And MANHATTEN COMMUNITY COLLEGE- PAN!! COME BACK HERE!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
[I know, I know.. Short chapter. I can't really think of what I want to do next with this. I need ideas, so give me your t/p cliché in your review please. :)  
  
I'll be your best friend?] 


	6. Of Silly Bints and Rich Fools

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
Chapter 6: Of silly bints and rich fools.  
  
[A/N Drum-roll please.. After a long absence of who the hell knows what.. SHE'S BACK!!! Better and stronger than ever before!! Refreshed, and ready to write for your sick pleasures!  
  
No, seriously. Sorry for the wait.. If you even remember this story in it's prime.. (If it ever had a prime) good for you. I baked some strudel for ya'll with one flamey.  
  
For that odd little bloke who flamed me, and told me I suck, I WIN! Hee hee heeeeee HEEEEEEEEEE!!! Not only have you boosted my reviews I got a kick out of your review because.. I'd like to see your little stories, dear. Or were you too afraid to put down your author name in fear I might read your ficcies and laugh at the pitiful little hypocrite? Eh? EH?  
  
So, here is chapter six. I hope you LOVE it!]  
  
Pan sped along, waving her hair 'round.  
  
"Manhatten Community College, huh? Is that the best I- You can do, daddy?" She said to herself, angrier and angrier at every word. Every moment she thought about her dad, applying to college, for such odd reasons. "Dammit, daddy. Why are you such a-"  
  
Whack,  
  
Said that narrator as Pan swiftly thwonked into a Japan bound plane, full of American tourists. She whirred to the ground, landing on something soft and bouncy.  
  
Haven't you wondered if that's ever happened before?  
  
Being so high up, and all.  
  
Pan rubbed her shoulder, which had impacted the plane, and attempted to stand. But, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your likes, dislikes and allergies) she had landed in a pool entirely of Jell-o. She licked some off her finger. Raspberry Jell-o it seemed to be.  
  
"Of all the places to crash land.. Jell-o? Why Jell-o?" She said, sinking into the mass of deep red blubbery, gooey, yet tasty Jell-o.  
  
"Oh hey Pan! Come early to the party?" Bulma Briefs called to her.  
  
Pan looked to her left, and there Bulma was. In all her majesty, a lime- green dress adorning her curves. Her oddly colored hair in elegant pig- tails, done up with blinky lights on the elastic rubber bands. Her legs, slender with youthful-agedness, modeled bright pink, fish net stockings. She stood barefooted, toe nails bright with what appeared to be glow-in the dark nail polish. Pan studied her face, a liquid eyeliner traced her eyes, melding into the purple glitter eye shadow. Her cheeks painted a soft hue of pink, and her lips kissed by black lipstick.  
  
"You like?" Bulma asked, as Pan gaped.  
  
"Surprisingly.. Well, it suits you, Bulma." Pan uttered in complete disbelief.  
  
"So, you here for the party? Open house.. Even though it starts at ten, you can hang until then." Bulma expressed her new-image by using vulgar gestures while speaking. "This party includes the pool of jell-o?" Inquired Pan.  
  
"Yeah, had it specially done for tonight.. I'm gonna have it done cherry for the Christmas party." Responded Bulma, again with the vulgar movements.  
  
"And what is this party for?" Pan grunted, pulling herself out of the jell- o, letting out a large slurp when her feet left the pool.  
  
"I dunno. How about.. The discovery of ecstasy?" Bulma proposed.  
  
"That's.. wonderful." Pan said, forcing an entirely fake smile. 'I wonder if Bra knows about this?'  
  
Pan entered the house through the kitchen, which was currently set up with black lights, streamers, and a basket of condoms on the counter. 'Lovely,' Pan thought.  
  
Pan hurried up to Bra's room, leaving a trail of red chunks behind her.  
  
Inside her best friends room was complete chaos, clothes flying all over the place.  
  
"GRRR.. AHHHHH!!!!!!" A high pitch voice squealed. "NO FRICKEN CLOTHES TO WEAR!!!!!!"  
  
Pan sighed, as Bra had a separate room for her shoes, and another two for her accessories. But Bra had never let Pan into her clothes section. Pan imagined it to be massive, bigger than a department store.  
  
Pan opened the door from which the clothing was being ejected. Pan was completely right. It was bigger than her entire room. Even bigger than their pool. Complete with it's own fountain, it was lined with clothes of many colors, bust mostly red.  
  
"Hi Bra!" Pan shouted, dodging the flying pair of jeans.  
  
"Pan!" Bra shouted, her face emerging from a pile of dresses. "Glad you're here.. Did mom invite you to the party or something?"  
  
Pan chortled, "You could say that,"  
  
Bra dived back in, tossing several Prada dresses aside. "Oh my god, Pan, this party is going to be off the heezy!"  
  
'What in Kami's name is a heezy?' Pan wondered. "Who's coming?" Pan asked innocently.  
  
"ONLY LIKE.. EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE CITY!! OMYGOD.. we have so many cute guys coming.. Perfect to find a boyfriend to make Trunks jealous? Am I right or am I right?"  
  
Pan wondered what her other options were, but Bra had a point.  
  
Wait,  
  
What was it again?  
  
Oh yeah, what the hell is a heezy?  
  
"PAN! This IS SOOOOO PERFECT FOR YOU!!" Bra squawked shrilly.  
  
"It's a little too.. modest. Don't you think?"  
  
It was a tight leather mini mini mini skirt. Or a really big belt, Pan couldn't really tell the difference. "Probably," Bra sighed, casting it aside.  
  
'Whatever Bra forces me into wearing, it better be good. Cause I want to make a good impression on everyone. I want it to say, "I am no longer a girl, but a woman, ready to face whatever comes next." ' 


	7. The Fantastically Fantastic Party!

Just Your Average T/P  
  
By Granny Adams  
  
Chapter 7: The Fantastically Fantastic Party!  
  
[A/N Since I don't have writer's block anymore, I decided to type the next chapter while I was still fresh. Oh, and thanks for 60 reviews, guys. You all are fantastically fantastic. *sniff* Thanks. I really really appreciate all the good (and bad) feedback.. Even though most are just like 'update!' But that's ok. As long as you are here to read it, I will complete this story! Oh, and if you have AOL or AIM, feel free to IM me. My screen name is Teddyb1660 or you can email me at Teddyb1660@aol.com. Thanks again! Heee..]  
  
When Bra had finished with Pan, she was not really what she had hoped herself to be. Pan was wearing an evening gown, white. The neck line was low, as it extended shoulder to shoulder. At the middle it met, and a green stone, maybe an aquamarine, was there to center it. The dress fit Pan's form very tightly, pushing and lifting in all the right places. At her hips, the material scooped in a V downwards, and from there a poofy material flowed out. It had different layers of material, giving it a ghostly beauty. The hem was 3 inches taken off, done for Pan, and ended right below her ankles. Her shoes were the same color as the gem, plain heels, with nothing fancy on them.  
  
"Now for the finishing touch," Bra said daintily. She came at Pan with a small cooking knife and sliced up the bottom part of the dress, making it ragged and un-even. The dress now ended on her thigh. Then Bra spray painted her top with green in a zig-zag pattern. She knotted a plaid tie around Pan's waist and she was ready.  
  
Bra herself was wearing designer overalls, artfully splattered with red and gold paint. Under that, she wore a white wife-beater (Where does that word come from? Do the wearers of wife-beaters beat their wives? Do lesbian couples beat each other while wearing them?). She had put on cheap beaded flip flops and was ready.  
  
By then, it had taken a couple hours to find the clothes for that night, and it was dark. In a matter of minutes, the 'guests' would be bursting through the door, dancing their asses off.  
  
Just as that was being typed, the door bell rang, and downstairs Bulma dived to go get it.  
  
At the door was several people in evening gowns, similar to that of Pan's. Except they hadn't been cut and painted.  
  
"Hey.. Guys.. Come on in, the party's just started!" Bulma said bopping her head to the throbbing rap music in the background.  
  
The several people stepped in, looking around, and feeling self conscious about their attire. But then again, they were quite right to wear things like that. Bulma didn't know how to go about having an open house party, so she had her planner do some of the work. The planner went around the city posting signs on telephone poles and stores and stuff that read:  
  
You are cordially invited to the home of the Briefs family for a night of food, dancing, and illegal substances. Be there at 10' sharp, and bring a friend if you must.  
  
Usually when invited to a party that says "You are cordially invited" then anything, you wear your pretties.  
  
But by the end of the night, their clothes wouldn't really matter.  
  
So within the next half hour, people filtered in, coming in large groups. Everyone in their proper garments. Pan and Bra came down the stairs, feeling completely underdressed, but continued to dance anyway. After a while the stiffness evaporated and people started to dance and drink. Whatever. The song "I am # 1" by Nelly started blasted as Trunks entered the room, dressed as ghettoly as humanely possible. He had his "bling bling" his "doo- rag" under his sideways baseball cap. He also had his baggy jeans, expensive t-shirt, and even a "bitch" to accompany him. Yup, he was a regular P-diddy. Or rather.. T-diddy.. Ehh..  
  
Pan bit her tongue seeing his "bitch". She remembered Bra's words, "ONLY LIKE.. EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE CITY!! OMYGOD.. we have so many cute guys coming.. Perfect to find a boyfriend to make Trunks jealous? Am I right or am I right?"  
  
She was right. She grabbed the nearest guy, and took him by the hand, dragged him over to Trunks.  
  
"Hey Trunks. This is my boyfriend." She said smugly. He looked at her, and then 'her boyfriend' and promptly laughed until he had nearly wet his pants.  
  
"Pan. *gasp for air* That's Goten!" Trunks wheezed, as his "bitch" deserted him for some other person.  
  
Pan's face froze as she looked next to her. It was Goten. And he was turned to other way, slightly drunk and trying to talk to girls who passed by.  
  
She backed up very quickly, jerking Goten's head around.  
  
"Hey, man." Goten said to Trunks before disappearing into the crowd.  
  
Then, giant arachnids of doom entered the party. Everyone.. er.. screamed for their mommies and the two big spider people just turned out to be Krillin and 18, really stoned in giant spider costumes.  
  
Everyone screamed louder. 


End file.
